Focus

I took these pictures in Cinque Terre, Italy a few summers ago.

It’s all about focus. I’ve found that with God, it all depends on where I focus. There are days that I focus so much on what lies in the distance – classes, exams, work, practicum, clients, financial aid, grades, getting my car serviced, moving to Pasadena (in June!), internship, getting a job, paying back student loans, where will I live, and on and on and on that I miss the beautiful details of what is right in front of my face.

Other days I am so intently staring at what is in front of me that I miss the beauty of what will be. I’m so busy looking at the way the sun changes the hills where I live from green to black to brown to purple depending on the time of day that I miss the brake lights of the cars up ahead…

There are pros and cons to both ways of looking at life – one tends to overwhelm me and the other tends to distract me from where I’m going. But in both of these situations, I can choose to see the gifts in my life – the privilege of being able to pursue higher education, owning my own mode of transportation, the (almost) guarantee of a job after graduation, and the friends here and now that make my life enjoyable. I can choose to thank God that I get to do all that will come as well as appreciate the variety in front of my face.

This past quarter, I’ve felt like I was on a giant carousel moving at high speeds. Each Monday I would think, “It’s already Monday? Where did last week go?” Each week, I’d whiz by the same faces, places, and events without really taking in who, where, and what was going on. It felt like I was going somewhere, but I knew that I was only going in circles. I have to keep reminding myself that April is coming very soon but I can’t for the life of me figure out where January and February went. This is not a good feeling; it is not something that I want to repeat next quarter. I want to be present in my days – to take in what is in front of my face; to look thoughtfully at the future with hopeful anticipation. I am getting off the carousel and I am choosing to walk instead of ride. I choose to change my focus. I’m pretty sure that time will continue to zoom by but I refuse to let that intimidate me.